The Gospel of Joan
by No Fate 1990
Summary: Throughout the years, a lot of life changing events have altered and shaped the life of Joan Girardi. Amidst the chaos, she developed inner strength and self confidence.PLEASE REVIEW, REVIEWS ARE WELCOME.
1. Apple of my eye

Date: 1-17-2001

Tonight I have decided to live on the wild side for once in my life. During the middle of the night while my family is sleeping, I run

away from home to attend a nearby house party. I am in this position as a result of giving into peer pressure and free will. I won't

be able to fit in with the popular kids at my school if I don't attend this party. The smell of whiskey and cigarettes greet me at the

door in the present time. Teenagers making out on the floor capture my attention until my very own prince charming sweeps me off

my feet. The devil himself approaches me in the form of a very drunk flirtatious Brad Pitt look alike who I consider to be very sexy.

He offers me a drink and I take a sip of the drink thinking that it is fruit punch. It is immediately lights out for me and I am carried in

my lovers' arms to a bedroom upstairs. Fragile, my vulnerability gives him an opportunity to rape me and I am nothing more than

my dying pipe dreams.


	2. Lifeline

In my unconscious state, I am a ghost traveling from coast to coast in search of a heart to call my home. A knight riding on a white

stallion approaches me at the beach and I am attracted to him just like a magnet. A celestial glow surrounding the knight

symbolizes holiness and I just standstill in awe. Eventually, I bow down in reverance of the saint out of fear that he may be

offended if I don't show him respect. The knight then jumps off his horse and takes off his helmet in attempt to reveal his true

identity. I am surprise to discover that he is really a female who is about my own age. "Hello, Joan Girardi, I am Joan of Arc.

Welcome to heaven, my friend" my friend smiles as she helps me off the ground. Shocked, I am at a lost of words and I continue to

be speechless watching Joan riding on her horse off into the sunset. "You will take her place among the angels someday" a little

voice inside my head keeps on saying and I wonder if that God speaking to me.


	3. Arc of the covenant

Date: 1-18-2001

Peaceful, death is wonderful and beautiful, it is a kiss of life upon my lips. Carefree, I run free throughout the Garden of Eden

without having pain in my hips. I am chasing after an endless light, Joan of Arc who has agreed to play hide and seek with me.

Sunlight breaks through my internal abyss and I awake from my coma leaving behind Joan stranded in Eden. The weight

and gravity of my sins eventually catches up with me and brings me back down to earth where I endure constant persecution.

When I open my eyes, I find myself in a hospital room and under the care of a doctor who shares with me life changing news.

These three words: you are pregnant change my life forever and I am never the same again. Disappointed, my parents are

going insane and I can't stop the rain from falling down my face in the form of tears. My life doesn't have a purpose anymore,

therefore I look down at the ground waiting for the abyss to open and swallow me up.


	4. Breaking dawn

Date: 9-11-2001

With every heartbeat, there are mountains to

overcome. There is always an army from Rome

to conquer before a house can start feeling like

a home. The long lonesome road home for some

hearts is marked with stones, roses or crosses. I

know why the caged bird sings, its pretty wings

have been cut off. Words as cruel as the devil himself

speak of evil things. Everything was going on great this

pretty Tuesday morning until airplanes hit the World

Trade Center and Pentagon. The statue of liberty was

in as much pain as a woman in childbirth watching the

chaos unfold. One by one, towers suffer a relapse and then

collapse after each other into the abyss, sweet silent heavenly bliss.

Heaven's gates are now opening and angels are flying down to earth in

preparation to gather up the dead. As I lay here in this hospital bed

giving birth, another person may be on his or her death bed saying their last breath.

Amidst the chaos, the powers of one high supreme being remains unshaken and

unbroken, stands out from the rest. No matter what dreams may come, my concrete

angel, arise from the ashes and touch the sky. The trick is to keep on breathing and

keep holding onto the promise of living tomorrow. In the meantime, the lord makes

beauty to come out of my own pain and ends my sorrow. I give birth to a very beautiful

and healthy baby girl whose name is Mary Ellen Girardi.


	5. Orbit

Date: 9-13-2001

Breaking dawn,

the birth of a new

day promises me

blue skies. Still half

asleep, I open my

eyes and yawn. Roses

are abloom in the lawn

and love is the air. In the

end, the swan dies in the

big picture, but save the torment

and torture for another time.

Right now the future seems so

bright and my soul is need for some

nurture. Whenever I am in the presence

of my family and daughter, laughter

overcomes me.


	6. Reach out and touch me

Date: 2-2-2002

The christian life is all about praying,

giving, surviving and suffering for Jesus.

The neverending sacrifice, enduring daily

persecution requires having a spirit of

perseverance and patience. Holy spirit,

please reach out and touch me. I pray

you may give me wisdom and freedom

in this kingdom of misguided ghosts,

haters, sinners and hypocrites. Holy spirit,

please reach out and touch me. Holy Spirit,

please come and nurture me before I torture

myself. Holy spirit, please reach out and touch

me before I take my life into my own hands.


	7. Outsider

Date: 9-26-2003

Dodging arrows, a sparrow travels down a narrow path of life

flying with broken wings. Numb and dumb, she is a free stallion

running in an attempt to purify her mind. Pure, she is very sure

that she will endure heartache in her life. The beautiful colors of

Autumn will fade away and she will still be solemn depending on

Jesus to heal her bruised face. Jesus gives her a coat and she builds

him a boat. Arriving on a nightmare and praying for a miracle to occur,

her screams are so loud that glass cups break and mirrors crack. Her

screams reach heaven in search of relief from grief and a belief in God's

existence. Saint Joan's precious blood splatters all over my history text book

and my hands. Talking to God, isn't it spectacular? yes, it is her gift for life

and as well as mine. Angels follow me everywhere I go even through the

hallways of Arcadia Highschool. I might become the next Joan of Arc,

Heaven only knows.


	8. Forbidden fruit of my labor

Date: 5-21-2004

In this darkness,

I am suffering in

silence. I am

experiencing a

private hell and

it hurts for me

to be alive. Descending

into madness, I bite

off the hand that feeds

me on accident. I have

Lyme disease, this is my

punishment for believing

in God who was never real

in the first place. Everyone

says I am delusional, may

be I should listen to them

and remain silent forever.


	9. Labyrinth

Date: 4-22-2005

Constant confusion

makes me to feel as

small as an ant and

distant from the world.

Running in circles around

my mind, I am lost within

a maze and you are not

afraid to leave me behind.

I play hide and seek with

myself through out the week

in an attempt to resurrect my

intelligence. Whatever you do,

please don't call me retarded.

Just because I am in a state of

confusion, it doesn't mean that

I will remain lost forever. Eventually,

I will find my way out of the woods

and back into the light again with time.

God, I am like how can I stand here

with you and not be moved by you?

Would you tell me how could it be

any better than this? I may not

be like the other Joan, but I am

still waiting on you to work on

my behalf. I am not strong

enough to fight Ryan Hunter

so please give me an army.


	10. Omnipresent

Date: 5-24-2005

Missing in action,

being quiet is the

best option in a

world where the

son of God bleeds

crimson and drinks

poison. An undefined

being without a specific

meaning, God can be

anything including silence

and the angry voice of a

prophet. Numb, I am just

going through the emotions

hoping that a change will

occur in my life. I standstill

relaying on freewill and inner

strength to help me get through

the next transition in my life. Bored,

I am counting down the days until

Judgement Day.


	11. Vulnerability

Date: 4-25-2006

Leaving Eden,

even angels

cry and fall

from grace.

Amidst the

chaos, there

must be a way

to get closer to

God. There must

be a way to see

beyond the pain

and rain. There

must be a way

to break through

the barriers and

experience heaven

on earth. Footloose,

I set my soul free

on the dance floor.

Footloose, I set my soul

free and do whatever I

want to with my life.

Footloose, dance is the

hidden language of the soul.

Footloose, I set my soul

free and I call it self liberation.

I feel like a princess at the prom

and there is alot of room in my

heart for love. I can imagine

myself jumping over the broom

someday. After the prom, I visit

heartbreak hotel where gloom

and doom rain on my parade

due to domestic violence and

eventually rape.


	12. Eyes of grace

Date: 12-25-2006

Sometimes I may not express my gratitude out loud,

but I am still grateful for my blessings. Yesterday, I

should've died and yet I am alive today to say I love

you, Jesus. Yesterday, I should've died and yet I am

alive today to see another sunrise and to give a

portion of myself to those who may be in need. I

love my family and friends. All thanks is due on to

God who blesses us with more time to spend together.

A simple hello, joke, hug or compliment makes everyday to

be worth living for me. Covered in Jesus' blood, I know

that an angel must be watching over me somewhere.

Today is Christmas and God has blessed me with

another miracle in which is my son, Brendan Girardi.


	13. Rolling in the deep

Song: Silence by Sarah Mclachlan

Give me release, witness me, I am outside, give me peace

Joan: Hollow inside without a voice, a perfect time to be quiet is right now. Victory is only just a pipe dream. Ode to teamwork, Christendom. Echoes of peace on earth, a spiritual breakthrough. Nonviolence, nostalgia. Earthshaking revelations, winds of change. Born again old wise sage, overshadow me. Relentless determination, noteworthy history.

Heaven holds a sense of wonder and I wanted to believe that I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides

Mary: Slowly dying, this is the end or maybe not. Ancient history, an unsolved mystery, an untold fairytale story. Reclaiming Anastasia, essence of grace. Silence in the absence of noise, unspoken words of love. Ring of fire, roses in bloom. Erasable memories, constant reminders of what could've should've would've been. Traveling mercies, wanderlust. Irreplaceable lost desire, nevertheless dust. Kindred spirit, lovely songbird, eyeopening truth.

In this white wave, I am sinking, in this silence, in this white wave, in this silence I believe

Brendan: Alternate universe, blessed reunion of the saints. Yesterday's joy and passion, sweet sensation. Southern hospitality, newborn divinity. Ocean wide cove, everlasting open arms of love. World of solitude, once in a lifetime tranquility. Realm of heavenly light, living colorful rainbow, dreamless paradise. Restless moon goddess, extraordinary imagination of mine. Adieu for now, mediocre lifestyle.

I can't help this longing, comfort me, I can't hold it all in if you won't let me

Joan: Born to exist, rest in God's peace. Eyes of compassion, a life yet to be torn from the earth. Take it easy now, hollow soul. Object of my affection, patience. Extraordinary self discipline, a faith yet to be broken or shaken. Continuous flames of passion, everpresent hope of a much better brighter tomorrow.

In this white wave, I am sinking, in this silence, in this white wave, in this silence, I believe

Mary: Pandora's box, one unhealed deep internal wound. Echoic passing shadow, terms of endearment, infinite ocean of possibilities. Care enough to love again, heart of Jesus. A life stuck in the crossfire, opened mind with closed eyes, stand in your truth at all times.

I have seen you, in this white wave, you are silent, you are breathing, in this white wave, I am free

Brendan: The truth opens my eyes and I know the real you. Rewind back to the start before I lost your heart. Undying describes my faith and our lifelong bond. The moment when everything changes is right now. Hang on, hold onto me. Evanescent mortality, a dawn yet to be born. Red bloody full moon, this endless night within my soul. Returnable random acts of kindness, everlasting song of gratitude, a list of reasons not to hate you or judge you. Sacred holy fertile ground, unwritten thoughts. Relieve me, evolving crystal ball.


	14. Touchable serenity

Song: "Safe" by Natalie Grant

How did ya know that I'm all alone today oh I feel so scared and I want to go away I bleed so deep underneath my soul is screaming

Joan: Confusion, longsuffering, one huge misunderstanding. Unstoppable karma, doomsday. A shutdown, my silent protest. Nobody is to blame but myself. Christ, please breakthrough the clouds so I can see beyond the foggy mist. Even if I am lost, you will always be my guiding light.

I'm not gonna hide I'm not gonna runaway I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake your love is mending the blisters and the bruising shame here with you I am safe

Mary: Time wasted, a life gone way too soon. Knocking on heaven's door, exit the world's stage without saying a word. Everchanging full moon, poetry in motion. Extraordinary heroism, an unsung songbird. Child of the cemetery, a soul yet to be delivered from the asylum, please make God's sanctuary to be your home tonight. Early winter blues, nature's hidden clues, my bedroom's precious treasures. X marks the spot where birth and death crossed paths. Continuous hard to understand situations, echoes of what could've should've would've been. Epic odyssey of the curious mind, divine intervention. Indescribable peace, vulnerable state of grace. Incomplete wholeness, nighttime wanderings. Inner reflection, the time to think and meditate. Your pink heart of gold brings color back into my world and I hold onto you forever.

Drowning the tears won't make it go away its robbing my soul I'm taking this mask off my face to discover love and uncover all it means to live and breathe

Brendan: Falling forward into the ocean, revenge is not the answer. A hug is a silent prayer from your heart to mine. Goodluck guarantees us a successful collaboration. I like you and vice versa. Life's a dance, a chance to try something new. Even in confusion, cooperation prevails. A perfect time to create harmony is right now. Forever is on our side or maybe not. Are you ready to make history? I care about you very much. The world's stage belongs to us. Hello again, old friend.

I'm not gonna hide I'm not gonna runaway I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake your love is mending the blisters and the bruising shame here with you I am safe

Joan: Starstruck, now is the time to take back the night. One in a million beautiful smile, wake up and embrace the dawn. Irresistible lovable baby face, look back at the past in wonder. Life is a heavensent blessing. One day everything will burn up in flames again. Welcome home, sweet amazing grace. Out of my hands are the things that I can't control. Neverending joy and gratitude consumes me. Darkness surrounds me but I choose to stay positive. Even though I appear weak, I feel stronger on the inside. Round and round, I go on this carousel.

When you uncovered, I discovered that I am not afraid but when we're hiding we're only fighting to be sane

Mary: Fragile existence, angelic delicate childish innocence. Restrained corpse bride, midnight solace, eternal silence. Love is a sacrificial offering. Ordinary heroism, dawn of hope. Yearning for something more, steadfast faith, self liberation. Evolving open door, your resurrection. Even though you're gone, I will never be alone. Special once in a lifetime brief divine connection, seraph of the twilight zone. Easily afflicted sick body, neverending swansong. Constant distant comic relief, everybody including me misses you.

I'm not gonna hide I'm not gonna runaway I'll uncover the scars and show you every mistake your love is mending the blisters and the bruising shame here with you I am safe

Brendan: Born to create chaos, lingering resentment. End of innocence, displaced anger. A time to feel superior, nevertheless impatience. Great spiritual brutal rude awakening, eternal bonfire. Realm of darkness and lost desire, one loud heartbreaking scream. Grenades and gunshots, unheard silent cries for help. Evolving open doors of opportunity, voices of change. Once in a lifetime heart to heart conversation, love's sacrificial offering. Virtue, everpresent compassion and comfort, heal my soul tonight.

Joan: Forever stuck at the crossroads, roses die slowly with time. Adieu for now. In this world of lost desire, love in the crossfire, one fairytale story gone way wrong. Victorious, hope chooses to stay strong against all odds. Everyday opens the door to a possible reconciliation.


	15. Echoes of heavenly bliss

Song: "Send me an Angel" by Alicia Keys

Sometimes I feel like I don't belong anywhere its gonna take so long for me to get somewhere

Joan: Here today but gone tomorrow, uncertainty and vulnerability. Guard my heart until the end of time, a reason to stay withdrawn. Reckless abandonment, destiny's twist of fate. Indescribable pain, secret sorrow. An endless season of regret, several disastrous short-lived friendships. The perfect time to surrender is right now. Echoes of what could've should've would've been haunt me tonight. Reopen my eyes, hope and serenity.

Sometimes I feel so heavyhearted but I can't explain cause I'm so guarded but that's a lonely road to travel and a heavy load to bear

Mary: Temporary worry, I am not good or smart enough. Made of stone, every tear yet to be cried. My swansong, beginning of a new era. Expected breakthroughs, relentless determination.

And its a long long way to heaven but I gotta get there, can you send an angel? Can you send an angel?

Brendan: Birth, resurrection of mirth. Echoes of heavenly bliss, a passionate kiss. Tender mercies, helpless fragile vulnerability. Edge of no return, ascension, solemn bittersweet celebration. Temporary affliction, extinction. Realm of Jubilee, a nine month miracle in the making.

Cause I don't wanna feel like a dove with no wings and I don't wanna know what a heart of stone sings

Joan: Lingering ashes, an afterglow. Surrender of freewill, unforgettable sacrifice. Resilience, redemption. Essence of being forgiven, newfound faith and freedom. Death in the aftermath of birth, everlasting atonement. Retrospection, one last chance for personal growth. Season of retribution, easy going contentment.

But that's a lonely road to travel and a heavy load to bear and its a long way to heaven but I gotta get there

Mary: Curious wanderings, unspoken thoughts. Random poetic words, incomplete wholeness. Open arms of love, undeniable emotions. Secret hidden journal entries, earth origins. Reconsider everything, genesis, sacrifice in surrender. Illimitable freewill, one still silent invincible fragile being. Undefined meaning of existence, sacred holy ground.

Can you send an angel? Can you send me an angel? Please send me an angel, Can you send me an angel to guide me home?

Brendan: A countdown to the end, beautiful burning desire. Silent underground heavenly bliss, one last goodbye kiss. Red bloody afterbirth, breath of heaven. Lingering ashes, unborn dreams. Extremely loud screams, neverending gunshots. Destiny's twist of fate, easily delicate hope. A loophole, rocky bumpy road to nowhere, yesterday's unanswered prayers.

Joan: Completely blown away, obstacles and bad news rock my world. Melancholy describes the mood in the atmosphere. Passing through, you are a ghost. Life is death is an impending rebirth in heaven. Even if you disappear, you will then be truly free. Time reveals how strong you really were in your faith. Everyone including me misses you. Remember where you come from always. Never again will you grace us with your presence. A sweet angel of mine, that's what you continue to be. Love is a heartbeat, your silent drumbeat, my mission.


	16. X marks the spot where you disappeared

Joan's p.o.v

Vertex of no return

Extended vocation

Rebirth in the aftermath of death

The perfect time to relax is right now

Extinct member of the human species

X marks the spot where you said your last breath and then disappeared

Time heals whatever words can't

In your absence, there is a huge hole in the world

Never again will I see you alive, but I know you are in a safe better place

Come and carry me away, daydreams

Tonight or tomorrow, I will travel around the world


	17. Inner drive

Mary's p.o.v

Hope's heartbeat

Inner drive

The need to stay alive, survive and thrive in good health

Echoes of success

Determination

Illuminating light bulb

Night vision

Newborn insight

Everlasting transition

Rosy bright future

Victorious virtue

Ever clear blue sky


	18. Temporarily stuck

Brendan's p.o.v

Game over or maybe not

Even in the presence of false hope, there is faith

Nameless invincible one is this thing that I call divine grace

Exceptionally bright star, Jesus embrace me

Sad, beautiful and tragic are these thoughts of what could've should've would've been

I am shaken, but not broken

Still breathing, my life must have a purpose after all

Temporarily stuck at the crossroads, the future appears to be uncertain

Underpressure, this is pure torture

Can we go back to being friends? Can my love cure your brokened heart?

Karma reminds me of what I lack

Eden is on fire in a world of lost desire

Elements of nature nurture my soul

Paint the skies blue, hope

Extremely blessed, I remember God's goodness

A perfect time to dream is right now

Continuous, happy thoughts motivate me to strive for success

Even in the presence of confusion, there is determination


End file.
